My Dearest C,

When you were a little baby, you were quite a challenge to take care of!  I remember a particular Saturday where I sat all afternoon in the rocking chair in your room, because as soon as I put you down, you would wake up.  Or if you managed to stay asleep, it was only for 30 minutes.  You had feeding challenges, a cleft palate, and severe reflux.

Looking back, it’s hard to imagine how we made it through the year.   I remember there were moments of tears, moments of despair, lots of anxiety, and most of all, fear.  Fear that I could not give you the best…. the best possible life.

But even that challenging year passed so quickly.  Look at you now.  You are a beautiful 4 year old who is so independent and who has overcome so many challenges, whether or not you are aware of having overcome them.  Despite not hearing well for most of the first year, you are now extremely articulate.  You are musical, and you’ve learned to pronounce the sounds that you couldn’t before.  I am so proud of you!

That’s the thing with challenges.  When you are in the midst of it, it’s hard to see the sunshine.  But be confident in yourself, handle yourself with grace, and know that the difficult times will always pass.

I remember crying helplessly a few days after you were born, after we first saw your surgeon.  The road ahead seemed so daunting, so many surgical procedures and uncertainties ahead.   Much of life is about perception and your attitude.  I realize now, I was very negative in that moment and failed to appreciate how lucky we are, how lucky we have been.  Fortunately, I had my dear sister nearby, to keep me down to earth, to snap me out of feeling sorry for myself, and remind me to focus on you and what matters.

The bigger you get, the more I realize I can’t protect you from everything.  I can’t take away your sadness when your friends don’t want to play with you or when you get teased at school.  I can’t take away your sadness when you have to return to school after a long Easter Break.  Neither can I take away my own sadness at having to part from you and return to work.  But just as I was able to dive in to work and contribute to the best of my ability, I could tell by the end of the day, you were able to find a way to enjoy your time in school.  I hope that over the coming years, I will have given you the confidence and tools you need to navigate well the journey of life.  Above all, that you will find the positive attitude and courage to tackle life’s challenges.

Love,

Mom