Dearest Mom,

I miss you so much.  Although with FaceTime and modern technology, you’re not that far away, I still miss you.  Or maybe the selfish part of me misses childhood, misses being taken care of, like a child.  And that is entirely selfish.  As if you haven’t given me so much of your love, time, youth, and energy already.

While this blog is for C&J, inevitably, I find myself reflecting on my childhood as I traverse this journey of parenthood.   So, this letter is for you.

I just came back from a tough vacation with the kids.  And I’m not whining.  We’re lucky to be able to go on vacation.  It just really sucked that C and I came down with fever and a nasty, persistent sore throat.

And as I sat on the return flight, hoping to get a break from motherhood so I could rest, two thoughts occurred to me:

1. Being a mom really is one of the toughest jobs.  It doesn’t pay, costs a lot of money, and is literally around-the-clock, indefinitely.  Very few breaks and certainly not when you most want them.
2. More importantly, and the point of this letter: I remembered those international flights we use to take when I was little and how you took care of me.  Compared to my own kids, who were actually pretty well-behaved and distracted with food or naps for our short flight, I was terrible and difficult to take care of.  I remembered I was over-sensitive to the smell of the aircraft and would throw up constantly, like 8-10 times on each flight, and I refused to eat for the 12-14 hours those flights lasted.  It became so routine that we had to ask for those disposable bags upfront on every trip.  And I probably asked to go to the restroom an unreasonable number of times.  (Have I mentioned how much I hate taking my kids to public restrooms?  It’s the necessary evil of parenthood.  I digressed.)  And you patiently cut up these fruits for me and prepared these cheese crackers, which were the only things I could stand to eat on board.  And sometimes I would whine nonstop while you were eating your meal b/c I couldn’t stand the smell of the food on those international flights.  In short, I was a pain to take care of on those trips, and you never complained or got impatient with me.

On the topic of vacations….I remembered never quite understanding why sometimes you rather stay behind in the hotel room to rest while asking dad to take us on hikes or some activities for the day.  I would complain that you weren’t a team player, ruining family bonding time.  But I get it now.  You were exhausted…exhausted planning the trip, packing everything and getting everything ready for us.  Making sure we had all the comforts of home away from home.

And I never fully appreciated or understood until now.  Thank you.   I don’t say it often enough.  Thank you.

Love,

Your daughter